Monday, 2 December 2013

Man rules for real men

So the New Statesmen are claiming that Movember is racist and sexist, yep, seriously, it's all here in black and white. Well the racist bit is nonsense, nothing else needed to add here but sexist? Well in that cast so is the women's institute and the Moonwalk for breast cancer. Know what, I don't care, nothing wrong with being different.

They seem to hate that the whole "real man" aspect of it and because I hate this kind of nonsense I have decided to make a list of "real man" activities. 

1 - Facial hair. All real men must be able to grow proper facial hair of one of the following types. A mustache, designer stubble or a beard, be it big and full or well trimmed goatee.

2 - Scars . You must have a scar you can talk about and at some point you must have used it, along with a heroic (fake) story, to pick up a woman in a bar.

3 - Toilet seats. Leave them up because, as the ladies like to say, it isn't hard to put it down so isn't going to cause them any problems.

4 - Steak. You are to eat your steak bloody. Rare is as cooked as is acceptable, only women and children have medium cooked steaks. If you want it well done go to Burger King, you don't deserve good food.

5 - All you can eat restaurants. These aren't special offers, they are challenges to your manliness. Avoid vegetables, go for meat, fish and a small amount of carbs. If you haven't undone the top button on your trousers you still have room.

6 - Gas. You will fart and burp in front of anyone, real men don't care what people think. Break the awkward moment after a public burp by scratching your balls.

7 - DIY. Do you own a drill? If not you should pretty much hand back your balls now.

We could probably use these rules to form a club but real men don't need such nonsense. If you want to add a rule stick it in the comments field for consideration.

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